Shikrot Mpwi - Sunday Synopsis with Fr. Justine J. Dyikuk

Twenty Fourth Sunday of the Year, A – September 24, 2017

Readings: Ecclesiasticus 27:33-28:9; Responsorial Psalm Ps 102:1-4,9-12; 

Rom 14:7-9 & Gospel Matthew 18:21-35.

Theme: Anger Management and the Need for Forgiveness

Introduction

Beloved in Christ, our liturgy presents us with two burning issues in our world which are germane to a healthy society – these are, anger and forgiveness. I chose the theme: “Anger Management and the Need for Forgiveness” to help us reflect on the divine realities presented in the Sacred Texts. This is to position our lives towards relating with God and our neighbour as exemplified by Christ. Before we progress, it is crucial to understand that anger comes before forgiveness and lack of forgiveness presupposes sustained-anger. We shall examine our readings in the light of anger and forgiveness by accessing anger and forgiveness management tips or strategies towards chewing our Sunday-meat.     

Explication of Our Readings in the Light of Anger and Forgiveness

The first reading (Ecclesiasticus 27:33-28:9) makes the point that resentment and anger are foul things which are identified with the sinner. It warns that he who exacts vengeance will himself experience vengeance from the Lord who keeps strict records of sin. The reading stressed that the only criteria for enjoying divine forgiveness is when we forgive the wrong our nieghbour has done to us. In more practical terms, the Wisdom Book charges that we remember the four last things namely death, judgment, heaven and hell noting that this would help us to stop hating in order to remember God’s commandments and live by them.

By reminding us to hold no ill-will towards our nieghbour and remember God’s covenant, the first reading prepares us for the message of St. Paul in the second reading which states that the life and death of each of us has its influence on others – this means that we cannot be indifferent about how we treat others or about their feelings. Since Christ’s life has a great impact on human history, St. Paul challenges us to do same by impacting lives positively through forgiveness.

This message is amplified in the gospel where Christ insists that we forgive and not act like the man who was forgiven his debt but went ahead to throw his debtor in prison until he should pay the debt. Jesus warns that that is how God would deal with each of us if we do not forgive one another from our hearts. What this means is that anger must give way for forgiveness. To achieve this, we shall now take a look at 10 anger management tips as well as 4 strategies for forgiveness.

Ten Anger Management Tips

The Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research, MFMER (2017) provides us with 10 Anger management tips. These include:                                                              

1.  Think Before You Speak: Always resist saying something you will later regret. In the heat of the moment, take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything. Ensure that you also allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Express Your Anger After You’re Calm: As soon as you are thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but non-confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Engage in Some Exercise: Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger is escalating, go for a brisk walk or run, or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

4. Take a Timeout: Contrary to the opinion that timeouts are for children, try to give yourself short breaks during times of the day which tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what is ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify Possible Solutions: Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. For instance, close the door when your child messes the room or reschedule another time when your friends or family members are late for dinner. Always remind yourself that anger doesn’t fix anything. It can only make it worse.

6. Stick with 'I' Statements: Avoid criticizing or placing blaming others. This might only increase tension. Instead, use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For instance, say, "I am upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of "You never do any housework."

7. Don't Hold Grudges for too Long: Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to overtake positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

8. Use Humor to Release Tension: Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what is making you angry by expressing any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. But please avoid sarcasm because this can hurt other people’s feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice Relaxation Skills: When you are angry, employ relaxation skills. You can practice exercises like deep-breathing or imagining that you are in a relaxing scene; tell yourself "Take it easy. It is not the end of the world." Listening to music or writing in a journal can help you relax and calm your nerves.

10. Know When to Seek Help: Since anger-control is a challenge for everyone, you can seek help if your anger seems out of control, causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you like beating your wife or insulting your children.

Four Strategies for Forgiveness

According to Dr. Thomas Plante (2014), there are 4 helpful strategies for forgiveness which are relevant to our reflection. These are:

1. Always Remind Yourself that No One is Perfect: No one is perfect. We are all hopelessly flawed yet we often we expect others around us especially our parents, siblings and closest friends and family to be perfect. When they don’t measure up, we are often disappointed. When we remember that no one is perfect, it becomes easier to forgive others their transgressions. While we may not excuse them, we can nonetheless forgive them.

2. Thinking Divine: Regardless of your religious and spiritual views, if you can see the sacred or divine spark in all everyone, it becomes easier to forgive them. This is true for self-forgiveness too. If you can see or find the divine spark within yourself, self-forgiveness too becomes easier.

3. Practice Mindfulness: Developing a mindful approach to life helps us to let go of the anger, bitterness and stress which often comes with conflicts in relationships. As such, if you practice mindfulness, you will be better at forgiving yourself and others as well.

4. Focus on Coping rather than Curing: Many people somehow believe that they have to fix others or themselves in order to forgive. They also believe that their forgiveness problem needs a particular solution. It is more helpful to focus on coping with the challenges of forgiveness than trying to cure or fix anything. Coping can occur at multiple levels including biological, psychological, social and spiritual.

Conclusion

Friends in Christ, our liturgy challenges us to develop a positive attitude towards managing anger and forgiving limitlessly. We are reminded that forgiveness is never easy but possible if we let go and let God operate in and through us. As experts suggest, prayer, meditation, religious/spiritual practice, spiritual direction and getting social support from others are helpful spiritual guides which help us in coping with anger and forgiveness. May the Holy Spirit help us in fulfilling these coping-techniques through Christ, Our Lord. Amen.